Sacred Sexuality is like climbing the most exquisite, tantalizing, and rigorous mountain of the self in relationship with another. There is no greater mountain to climb on the path toward sacred union. As a way to experience enlightened relationships in intimate connection with the inner and outer Beloved.
The following includes an exuberant and informative video with specific wisdom of sacred sexuality. * Definitely check out the tips, practices, and links below the video to support you as you travel this glorious road of sacred sexual enlightenment. *
Orgasm vs. Process
The time of wham bam - up against the wall - hungry passion - orgasm - thank you ma’am - what’s for dinner - is over. If we truly desire to explore sacredness in sexuality, then the process takes precedent over orgasm.
I hear some of you sighing and groaning as I write this! As if process is a bad word or a tedious road. I assure you, fellow friends of heart, focusing on the process brings such magnificent heartfelt exuberant energy unlike anything you’ve ever experienced in those quick desirous flings. So much so, you may find yourself capable of climbing the sacred mountain of sexuality with more energetic vigor, tantalizing verve, and adept skill than you ever thought possible. For within the process, orgasm occurs as an organic expression of love.
4 Key Components of Sacred Sexuality
By following the Four Components of Sacred Sexuality, the process opens into the next level of deep intimate sexual connection. Orgasm simply becomes the expression of the ecstatic energy you’ve cultivated within your body, heart, and soul as a blissful state of love to share with your beloved partner.
Presence — the ability to be fully connected to the self in the presence of a loved one.
To witness your thoughts and body sensations while continuing to be connected with your heart and mind, here and now.
Tip: As you sit across from a friend, lover, and/or beloved, notice the first thought or emotion or body sensation that arises. Name it, acknowledge its presence, and allow it to move through on its own time.
Practice: Mindfulness Meditation is an excellent way to practice presence. Simply breathe in an out, feel the breath moving in and out of the nose, watch the thoughts, emotions, and sensations as they arise, and come back to the breath.
- Check out Adyashanti, one of my highly regarded teachers, for further practices in mindfulness meditation.
- Check out the Cultivating Your Illuminated Source Potential Meditation in audio format to bring this practice deeper into your life experience.
Touch — experiencing the extension of the heart and mind through the hands.
Tip: The more you notice the way you touch yourself on an everyday routine basis, whether washing your face, putting on your clothes or doing your work, the more awareness you will have about how you’re feeling in your heart and mind.
Practice: Before you touch your friend, lover, or beloved, bring your awareness to your heart. Touch your heart center with your hands. Notice what you notice. If there is fear, allow it to be present. Don’t force love to be where it is not in the moment. See if you can touch your beloved partner even when you're feeling fear or sadness. Bring your awareness to how you're touching him/her. If you touch your heart, and there is love, now touch your beloved, and notice how you’re touching her/him. Notice where the touch is coming from within you, and how your friend and beloved are receiving you.
Energy — all life: stones, trees, plants, cars, computers, clothes, animals, humans etc. is made of energy. Paying attention to the energy within life allows us to become more sensitive to how it exists within us and all around us.
Tip: One of the quickest ways to recognize the current of energy moving through us is when we are experiencing a strong emotion such as anger, sadness, excitement, or anxiety. By staying with the energy, allowing yourself to be with the edge of fear, the edge of anger, the edge of excitement, allowing it to move through will bring greater gifts of presence; knowing more of who you are.
Practice: Sit across from a friend arm’s length away. Take turns, one at a time, to stretch out your hand, and notice whether you can feel the energy within your hand while also feeling your partner’s energy. Notice what you notice.
- Check out Mantak Chia’s Microcosmic Orbit to learn more about circulating sexual energy toward sublimating it toward enlightened states, and savoring the energy toward blissful orgasmic experiences.
- Another magnificent resource for learning about sacred alchemy is the book: The Magdalene Manuscript written by Tom Kenyon and Judi Sion
- With both resources, be careful to also seek out a local chi gong teacher (I highly recommend Eva Wong) and/or local kundalini yoga teacher to help with understanding the benefits and dangers of working with circulating energy in the body.
Communication — listening with the full self, speaking from the quiet place of knowing, sharing one’s needs while listening to another share her/his needs is a gift.
Tip: Speaking less is wise. For when you do speak, you allow the soul to speak through you rather than the restless egoic mind running rampant through your mouth!
Practice: Active Listening - the next time you’re having a conversation with a loved one allow your urgency to speak about your own experience to fade away, and truly listen to her/him. Then, paraphrase what your friend has said to you in a way that shows you were listening. The paraphrase doesn’t need to be word for word, in fact it’s better if the words are your own, from your perspective, yet maintain the integrity of your beloved’s communication. This is active listening, and is the gift of the present moment.
- Check out Marshall Rosenberg’s Non-Violent Communication to learn more about the process, and bring active listening into a greater knowledge of needs and requests as a life practice.
Giving & Receiving
The most beneficial way to learn how we show up in intimate relationships is to pay attention to how we give and receive.
When we give, it’s important to notice the way we are giving. Are we giving with expectations? with a desire for acknowledgement? or simply giving to give? Being honest about this is important to truly being able to give from the heart.
When we receive, we need to notice how we are receiving someone into our lives. Are we receiving them because we feel like we have to? with a desire to be liked? or because we feel there is an empty hole within that needs filling? or are we receiving in a way that nurtures our souls, and feels good to our hearts, minds, and bodies?
Often times, when people don’t understand why they can’t feel love from their friend, beloved, or partner, it's because they have resistance to either giving and/or receiving.
Practice: Take a moment, and ask yourself these three questions as honestly as possible. As you answer these questions, be cautious of judging yourself to be one way or another. The only "right" answer is the one that shows you how you are currently behaving. Then from there, you can decide whether to change a behavior or you can acknowledge how you're already giving and receiving in ways that feel nourishing, honoring, and respectful.
1. How do I give to others? Do I give out of wanting something in return? Do I give out of a pure desire to give without any expectations? Do I give so I know I am a good person, so I will be liked?
2. How do I receive from others? Do I receive everything people give to me, even judgements and criticisms? Do I receive at a distance, so I can check out what people are giving me before I fully embrace them? Do I receive for awhile, then stop when it feels like too much?
3. What does reciprocity mean to me? Am I able to have an equal exchange of giving and receiving with my friends? colleagues? associates? lovers? beloved partner? What does reciprocity look like, smell like, feel like within my heart, mind, and body? How do I know when reciprocity is occurring within my relationships?
As you traverse the road of sacred sexuality, may your climb up the glorious mountain reveal the sacredness alive within you, within your beloved, and within all things. As a way to bring you closer and closer to feeling the fullness of who you are in relationship with another and with all that is. Blessings!